Our Ceremony: Jay’s Vows

Many people were unable to attend our ceremony at Gillette Castle in Connecticut.  Be it travel, time, or any other reason I have been asked what we said to each other during our ceremony.  I do not believe there is a video of the approximately 20 minute ceremony, but if I find 0ne I will post that on our website as well.

From the long days
To the empty bank accounts
Your smile makes me smile.
When the cats fight
Or the dogs pee on the carpet
The glow on your face when you hug them fills me with happiness.

When the bills are high
Yet the Concerts plenty
Your dancing validates the cost
And when the Stars lose
And the Red Wings win
The hugs you console me with fill the void.

When you are happy
I am happy
When you are sad
I am sad
When you comfort me
all problems goes away
When you hold me
all pain subsides
When you tell me you love me
nothing else exists
It is these things that make everything else worthwhile

The crazy
The confusion
The disarray
And the absolutely nuts

So long as you stand beside me they will never bring us down

I’m never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

For these words I’ll stand behind
Through any obstacle we come across
Because when I know you are my home
It is all worthwhile

You are my love
My life
My reason for getting up in the morning
And going to bed at night.

I shall hold you
Love you
And provide everything I can for you
So that we may have our happily ever after
Whether it is today
Tomorrow
Or our last day on earth
Because
You make it all worthwhile

“You make it all worthwhile”
Jay Leask, June 2010

Our Ceremony: Antares’s Vows

Many people were unable to attend our ceremony at Gillette Castle in Connecticut.  Be it travel, time, or any other reason I have been asked what we said to each other during our ceremony.  I do not believe there is a video of the approximately 20 minute ceremony, but if I find 0ne I will post that on our website as well.

Jay,

I promise to love you throughout all things:

• In Stars winning seasons and Stars losing seasons,
• For richer or poorer (although I have a preference on that one),
• In PMS and rationality,
• Through your terrible taste in football teams,
• Even after I finish my dissertation, and that could be a long time,
• As long as we have love in our hearts and a zoo in our home, I’ll be by your side.

Our Ceremony: Reading from Corelli’s Mandolin

Many people were unable to attend our ceremony at Gillette Castle in Connecticut.  Be it travel, time, or any other reason I have been asked what we said to each other during our ceremony.  I do not believe there is a video of the approximately 20 minute ceremony, but if I find 0ne I will post that on our website as well.

Our second reading was by my mom.  In my family we believe a great deal in signs – my Yia Yia (Greek for grandmother) and I never had a chance to meet, but wife of a priest and a mandolin player herself, the connection to the movie Corelli’s Mandolin was immediately made by my mom; not everything, but certainly a few obvious connections.

And another thing.  Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like

volcanoes and then subsides.  And when it subsides you have to

make a decision.  You have to work out whether your roots have

so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever

part.  Because this is what love is.  Love is not breathlessness, it is

not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal

passion. … That is just being “in love,” which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned

away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.  Your [father]

and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other under-

ground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our

branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

From Corelli’s Mandolin

Louise de Bernieres

Of course, originally read as “Your mother”, the change made sense as this reading rang true to what my parents have found in love.  I’m ever thankful for the people who participated in our wedding – especially, of course, my mom!

Our Ceremony: Reading – Love Is

Many people were unable to attend our ceremony at Gillette Castle in Connecticut.  Be it travel, time, or any other reason I have been asked what we said to each other during our ceremony.  I do not believe there is a video of the approximately 20 minute ceremony, but if I find 0ne I will post that on our website as well.

We had two readings during our ceremony.  The first, Love Is, was read by Antares’s Grandmother, Dorthy Kilgore.  Dorthy is a vibrant and loving woman who is willing to accept her new grandson-in-law despite his love of the University of Michigan Wolverines.  Antares and I hope to have half the energy Dorthy has when we are parents, forget grandparents!

Some people forget that love is

tucking you in and kissing you “good night”

no matter how young or old you are

Some people don’t remember that love is

listening and laughing and asking questions

no matter what your age

Few recognize that love is

commitment — responsibility — no fun at all

unless

Love is

Antares and Jay

Nikki Giovanni

Antares and Jay was originally You and Me and we appreciate the rewrite.  Thank you for being such a special part of our day, Grandma Kilgore!

Our Ceremony: Namaste

Many people were unable to attend our ceremony at Gillette Castle in Connecticut.  Be it travel, time, or any other reason I have been asked what we said to each other during our ceremony.  I do not believe there is a video of the approximately 20 minute ceremony, but if I find 0ne I will post that on our website as well.

Our program listed the first item in our ceremony as “Namaste” by Devin Pike.  Devin, a very good friend of Antares and mine, was the first person we both thought of when considering an officiant – and conveniently he is ordained through the Universal Life Church and has many similar beliefs to us.  It was a huge pleasure for us to be married by such a good friend and someone who gets us completely.

After ruining Devin’s first draft by telling him that part of his welcome was in my vows he was able to spin together a beautiful message of welcome, love and advice on the fly.  Thankfully he was able to put those thoughts onto paper for me to transpose for both our history and your viewing pleasure.

When Jay and Antares met, they already had a shared vocabulary, as Dallas Stars fans.  However, the union of two people requires a vocabulary all its own, its own set of inside jokes, its own set of rules.

Marriage should never be considered a finish line, or a goal, or a checkbox on a scorecard.  Marriage works best when it’s considered a starting point, with a wonderful life ahead.

Jay and Antares put each other’s happiness first in so many instances, and that bodes well for the years to come.  Not every day will be as happy or content as this one – there will be troubled times and you won’t always agree.  However, as long as you remember true communication takes two people working towards a common goal – understanding – those troubled times will be fewer and further between.  The love you have for eachother is stronger than any meaningless quibble.

I have to admit how happy I am that Devin put these words onto paper for me.  To be honest, during his Namaste, Antares and I giggled and talked about everything from the color of her dress to my wedding gift for her and much more.  It may sound disrespectful, but we were so happy to hold each other’s hands that as the rest of the world went on we were lost in our own.  To see Devin’s words here on paper, to see his welcome to our guests and the advice he offered for us means the world to me – second to Antares saying yes, of course

Our Ceremony: Exchange of Rings

Many people were unable to attend our ceremony at Gillette Castle in Connecticut.  Be it travel, time, or any other reason I have been asked what we said to each other during our ceremony.  I do not believe there is a video of the approximately 20 minute ceremony, but if I find 0ne I will post that on our websiteas well.

A standard wedding ceremony was not in our cards, however, thanks to a book that Antares had attached to her hip during the planning process we found the following ring exchange that fit our personalities perfectly:

With this ring, I give you my promise that from this day forward you shall never wlak alone.  My heart will be your shelter, my arms will be your home.  We will walk together through life as partners and best friends.  I promise that I shall always do my best to love and accept you exactly the way you are.  With this ring, I give you your freedom and my trust in you.  I give you my heart until the end of time; I have no greater gift to give.

Joyce Gioia – Multifaith Clergywoman
Adapted from Marianne Williamson

The passage was read to us by our officiant, who gave us an opportunity to simultaneously repeat each line after he read it.  It was perfect and really matched what we thought this was: a celebration of our union and not a contract.

Our Castle by the S…errrr…River

One of the things Antares and I are looking forward to the most on our wedding weekend is our ceremony site.  Less than 30 miles from the coast at an elbow in the Connecticut River lies a Castle on a Hill with, what is said to be, one of the most beautiful views of the Connecticut River Valley there is.

This cobble-stone castle, referred to as his “Hadlyme Stone Heap” by the owner, was built by William Gillette for he and his wife, Mary, in their retirement.  William Gillette, in case the name rings a bell, was an American-born playwrite/actor, most famously known for playing the role of Sherlock Holmes on stage in the early 1900′s.

Te castle looks barely like it will stand the hour, forget the test of time.  Concrete glued cobble-stones make it look more like a child’s fort than a well built, near-100-year-old building and the slate-shades that overhang each window look more like a death trap than decoration; but here it is, our little castle, and absolutely beautiful to us and the many thousand visitors to it each year.

Thankfully this castle was not fought over with guns and cannons nor destroyed for scrap or some real estate scheme but kept in tact by the State of Connecticut and turned into a state park.  The views and architecture are astounding and, we hope you’ll agree, perfect for a couple as strange-err-unique as us to pronounce our intentions to the world.

As if our Castle isn’t enough, the trip gets cooler; we would not make you drive 60 miles from ceremony to reception without good reason!  Just below Gillette Castle, in a land where 65 miles per hour isn’t fast enough and bridge span every river imaginable, is a river crossing of a different time.

The Hadlyme Ferry, connecting the east and west banks of the Connecticut River, provides a leisurely river crossing just south of Gillette Castle.  For a mere $3.00 per vehicle you can head from ceremony to reception and gaze up at the castle you just enjoyed and breath in the fresh Connecticut air.  The ferry, quiet and cozy, supports between 8 and 9 passenger cars and about 50 people on foot.  While it may make the drive back to the reception a bit slower it’s completely worth it!